the chicken in the egg

[amovingtarget]

Can someone explain to me how dating works? Or maybe how to believe someone might want to date you? Or that you might have something to offer another person?

Society would tell us that we can't love someone until we love ourselves… but how are you supposed to see yourself as lovable, as worthy of someone's time and attention, without being validated by someone's time and attention? You can't offer yourself to someone if you have no sense of self, but how can you know yourself without someone willing to stand around long enough being a mirror until you realise you even have a self?

If you have to have one first, but you can't have one without the other, then what do you have?

Comments

[enemyofperfect]

how can you know yourself without someone willing to stand around long enough being a mirror until you realise you even have a self?

This is so well and painfully said.

And I think maybe this entry is its own answer, a little bit. By offering glimpses of yourself to other people, you give them the chance to see you and respond, to show you to yourself in turn. And maybe gradually, bit by bit, that can grow into an idea of yourself as a whole person, like a collage you're piecing together from a thousand different closeups. Maybe you're already on your way.

But it's so hard, I know.

[amovingtarget]

:(

[stringlights]

If you figure it out, let me know? Pretty sure its hopeless!

[stillpermanent]

Okay, so I say this later than intended and with no real point of reference, but I've been told it can happen either way, with loving someone leading to loving yourself and vice versa. I personally think, from the relationships I've seen, the healthier ones seem to start with being honest with yourself about who you are.

I don't fit the beauty norm, never have never will. And while I'm still working on it myself, I've found I've attracted better people by trying to be at peace with who I am and my limitations. It's not easy, and before my mom died she told me that one of the positive things about the midwest/south of the US is that being fat is more accepted and therefore my dating prospects would be better. I mean, do I loathe that I'm judged for it? Yeah. But it seems to me, I'd rather be romantically alone and feel at home & at ease with myself and where I live than the opposite. I follow a lot of body positive people on instagram, one of which, Megan Crabbe has a book that people seem to swear by when it comes to how they see and value themselves. I'm working on getting my hands on a copy.



Live by Ru. ♥

I've never dated, or been kissed. The only people who've wanted to date me are creeps. So I get it, and if you figure anything out, lemme know.