If everything's a dream,

GOOD STUFF

• Two family gatherings in one week! Much food was eaten!

• Finished playing Red Dead Redemption 2!

• Finished the patch in time for my niece's birthday! I’m pretty sure she loved it!

• Finished a zero draft of my chocolate box fic!

• Bought myself a filofax! Made some planner inserts with my own two hands (and my computer)!

• I managed to read some more of Blackout while I was sitting around downstairs!

OTHER STUFF

• My feelings/self esteem has been all up and down this week, and they’re both low enough to begin with. I don’t know what that’s about and it’s pretty exhausting. But I had some brave conversations about some things that were upsetting me, so there’s that?

• I’m really glad I got that patch done. I was tempted to let it go, on account I had taken her to London, to Comic Con, for the weekend in November, so I didn’t really need to give a present. But I did it, and even though I was a knot of anxiety for most of the early stages because it wasn’t coming out as neat as I wanted, but it came out pretty cute in the end.

• I am...not exactly enjoying Blackout, but I’m feeling compelled to finish it because it’s the last book of a trilogy and I want to know how it ends, and there was just enough high points to keep me wondering what the next one might be.

• I have a problem with planning that is difficult to put into words. I love for everything to be neat and organised and specific, but...I don’t really feel like I have enough control over my time to be able to tell myself we can do x for this block of time and y for that block of time, and I don’t have the courage to say please don’t disturb me while i’m doing this thing that’s important to me. ….And then I just end up wasting all my time with random junk anyway…. It’s like my brain sees that I can’t possibly fit in all the things I want to do, so doing none of them is the most reasonable option….

NICE THINGS IN GENERAL

• Put SW: The Last Jedi on for Mum, and she really enjoyed it.

• My big brother’s little two came around with some carnations for me. Precious.

• My sister’s eldest bought me a bath bomb last week, which I used this morning.

• It feels good to be back on Dreamwidth (I say back, I mean since Livejournal in 2010) in ways I didn’t expect at all.

ACCOMPLISHED

• 2018 meme!

• December 2018 roundup post!

• RDR2 thoughts so far post!

• This post! That makes four whole posts!!!!

• Started catching up with work stuff after weeks of avoiding it!

• Drafted up two more sessions of D&D adventures into prose!

• Preparing to sign up for a fic exchange!

• Playing Red Dead Redemption 2!

• Sketched a little smut because enemyofperfect wants to make a gif out of it!

NOT SO ACCOMPLISHED

• Haven’t done any journalling at all in more than a week, which is bad for me on several levels.

• I have cried three nights out of seven this week, which...on the one hand being able to cry is good, and also a relief, but it’s pretty unfun in general.

• My sleep routine is thoroughly screwed, finding it difficult to get to sleep (or want to) and get out of bed (or want to). Not sleeping until past midnight has become grossly regular, which means I’m only getting six hours or so of sleep. No bueno.

• My brother commissioned some work from me on Thursday, which is great, but I have avoided it for three days and I only have a week further to work on it…

• Only drafted two D&D sessions out of a potential five, which is down to an understandable combination of my getting back on track with work stuff, and the sessions getting longer and wordier, but I’m still a little disappointed.

• Signing up for the exchange is pretty stressful, and I’m struggling to not pre-emptively reject myself. Three years ago it was me talking someone into doing it, and today it the reverse and I’m just not sure I’m capable of such things any more.

• I wanted to come up with an informal challenge in the vein of Get Your Words Out for myself, so I could get 50,000 words of work on my original fiction idea (which works out to 150 words per day and leaves a 30 day buffer) but I have only managed one day of writing this week and that involved a demoralising realisation that I don’t know how to come up with words if I don’t already know what I’m writing about and I’m not sure I know how to (how have the time or energy to figure out right now) how to get around that.

• I have been meaning to give my face a good scrub and treat myself to one of the masks I’ve been hoarding but I keep putting it off for some reason? It’s just too much work?

NEXT WEEK?

• Order a few essential oils and try burning those in water as part of a bedtime routine, try and get to sleep before 11:00pm.

• I’ve always use 20/10 pomodoro sessions to get things done, and I’ve been wanting to increase this for a long while, so I think I’ll try 35/10 from here on, and see how that goes for a week.

• Getting that commission done has to be top priority, I’ve only got until Saturday to do it.

• So, on Saturday I was followed by three spam/porn bots in the space of an hour, which has dredged up some more grumbly feelings about tumblr. Maybe I should write them up for a post…

• Need to figure out how to make time for the things I need and/or want to do, so I should put some thinky introspecting time aside for that. This is probably a bigger knot that I can even cut through in one week, but probably the sooner I start, the better.