on and on (and on)
Saturday, January 11th, 2020 07:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amovingtargetThis has been stuck in my head for three straight days now, after my subconscious cruelly attacked me with it in my sleep so it's only fair that I share it with you guys...?
It was in a dream somehow and I think it upset me enough that I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep? Which doesn't even make any sense because I don't remember liking the song that much, I don't remember the movie making me cry and I haven't seen or heard either of them since I was in school? And even now I still don't get why this song is upsetting me so much? Like, literally it makes me want to sob so hard, it's visceral. Did it always upset me and I just don't remember? Is it because it's a song about loss? going on after loss? about love that doesn't die? Is it the general tragic nature of the movie? Is it Celine Dion's voice? Is it because the music is arranged specifically to hit you in the emotional gut -- even though I do only remember the gut punchy bit? Do I have a secret longing to stand on the prow of a ship with someone's arms around me? -- as I type this, it does sound painfully obvious now, although I still think that scene was cheesy as hell. Or maybe it's because in four days Rose experienced something that changed her life… the most wonderful kind of love, to have something to look to in the face of a tragedy, and the loss of it in the worst way possible… maybe I wish I could have that for even five minutes. I feel like there's something about it I'm not getting. Like it reminds me of something else that I can't put my finger on, and I don't think it's just my loneliness. Maybe I should watch the movie again and see if it does anything for me....
I haven't actually listened to this song again. It's already being mangled by the faulty cassette player in my head after three days of playing, I didn't want to add my shitty hearing to the mix. But I get new hearing aids on Monday! Maybe next week I'll give it a listen.
It was in a dream somehow and I think it upset me enough that I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep? Which doesn't even make any sense because I don't remember liking the song that much, I don't remember the movie making me cry and I haven't seen or heard either of them since I was in school? And even now I still don't get why this song is upsetting me so much? Like, literally it makes me want to sob so hard, it's visceral. Did it always upset me and I just don't remember? Is it because it's a song about loss? going on after loss? about love that doesn't die? Is it the general tragic nature of the movie? Is it Celine Dion's voice? Is it because the music is arranged specifically to hit you in the emotional gut -- even though I do only remember the gut punchy bit? Do I have a secret longing to stand on the prow of a ship with someone's arms around me? -- as I type this, it does sound painfully obvious now, although I still think that scene was cheesy as hell. Or maybe it's because in four days Rose experienced something that changed her life… the most wonderful kind of love, to have something to look to in the face of a tragedy, and the loss of it in the worst way possible… maybe I wish I could have that for even five minutes. I feel like there's something about it I'm not getting. Like it reminds me of something else that I can't put my finger on, and I don't think it's just my loneliness. Maybe I should watch the movie again and see if it does anything for me....
I haven't actually listened to this song again. It's already being mangled by the faulty cassette player in my head after three days of playing, I didn't want to add my shitty hearing to the mix. But I get new hearing aids on Monday! Maybe next week I'll give it a listen.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-01-12 06:41 am (UTC)<3