mental health update?

[amovingtarget]

huge suicidal episode on the 14th, been in a hole for the past two days, deeper than ever
made of tissue paper
even by accident, other people just tear right through
wanted to love more vs never wanted to love in any way
wanting to connect vs burning all bridges
needed validation from other people vs being fundamentally unsafe around other people's opinions
don't want to have to be protecting myself all the time
shameful and wrong for wanting to be connected to other people, wanting to see myself reflected, supposed to be separate and individual
feel like I'm never going to be safe
feel like I don't even make sense as a person, on the rare occasions I think of myself as a person at all
literally forget how I felt or thought about something before someone said something hurtful
solitaire is good white noise